This week’s episode of The Wellness Podcast, we cover the topic of Death, Grief, and Transition.
I woke up to some incredibly sad news. My best friends’ partner had died after a long battle with cancer. This will shape the show. Having lost many close to me, I was always going to cover this topic, however, I had hoped it would not have been so soon.

''In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that…In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.'' -Albert Camus

Today, I share my personal journey, the way death has shape me and the lives of those I have lost. Terrible, and beautiful, in equal measure. We should honour, express, and share the art of dying.

Journal Extract                                                                                               MAY 23 2017                                                                                                                                                   

It is coming up to three months since I lost her. I find myself wandering through life, forgetting she is gone and then realizing I just cannot pick up that phone. I must accept that I’m grieving. I have been dragged here by my heels as I have had enough of all that.... I have yet to recover from losing mum. But life is what it is. I am allowing myself to just feel that depression as it covers me like a thick, heavy, well-worn blanket. Its familiar weight sinking into my skin, and bones. I want to honour her in all that she meant to me... it is not something I can just get over in a night, or a week, or a month... or perhaps ever.

Another piece is missing.

My tears guide them through that river. Another piece is missing.
I am being kind to me, I am allowing myself to gain those extra kilos that come from indulging in food that is sweet and feeds the heart. I am allowing myself a few extra hours sleep. I let myself watch mindless TV, or not do the dishes or washing that day.

Self Care

I am exercising in self-care, I am meditating, and grounding my grief. I am engaging my Gods and allowing them to do what is best for me. I have friends and family. I have a circle of gentle, loving, wise women. I meet her in my dream space and feel her close.

Going to the Sea

We will be heading towards the sea soon, with family, and many other old friends. There will be lots of families, lots of children, lots of laughter, and lots of wine. There will be people who remember her too, and so I will get to talk about her as I find that soothing. 

Counting my Blessings

I am also very mindful to count my blessings. I have a good life, I have worked hard to get here and have a man who loves and is devoted to me, I have three, healthy, beautiful children, I have some incredible friends.... I have my health, I have my fur babies, and my home, I do work that I love, I have a lot... and I know just how fragile that thread is.

Thank you to the friends who check up on me and ask if I am ok. I think I am doing what I need, and I will be ok, it’s a well-worn path I find myself on and I know how to get through it... one step at a time.

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Images; Unsplash, Photos for Everyone..

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